More From Faith's Book

Transcribed by Myra Panache "I was on a rare break between tour dates. Valentine's Day had just passed and I got a call from Big. He was in New Orleans for a show. "I want to see you," he said. My heart skipped a beat. I flew to New Orleans, when I got to his room, it was filled with all of Junior M.A.F.I.A guys. But Lil Kim was absent. I'd told Big on numerous occasions that I was going to beat the shit out of her as soon as I saw her. So I assume he made sure she was nowhere nearby." "Big and I settled into our usual routine: Sharing a blunt, a meal and each other. I felt like there might be a possibility that we could get back together. He felt so familiar to me and I felt safe around him. I wasn't going to ask him. I decided I'd let him come to me if that's what he wanted. I was just going to stay in the moment and enjoy the time we were sharing. But I did think it was a good sign that we were together. He wasn't with Kim. He wasn't with Tiffany. He was with me, his wife. What neither of us knew was that spending that night in New Orleans would end up connecting us forever." "A few weeks later, I sat in the bathroom of my apartment and stared at the little white stick with the dark blue line. I was pregnant and I know exactly how it happened. I couldn't believe it. Big and I rarely used protection and I'd only gotten pregnant once, early on in the relationship. I'd had a miscarriage before we could think about what we were going to do about it." "I decided I was keeping this baby. I called Big to share the news." "He didn't sound happy or sad. Just very noncommittal. "You keeping it?" he asked. "Yeah. I am," I said. It was a quiet moment. "Are you sure?" "Yes, I'm sure..." Big made a weary sound. "Homegirl got pregnant, too," he said. "What does that have to do with me?" "I made her get an abortion," he said. I asked, "So what are you saying?" "You sure this is the right time?" he said. "Look," I told him. "I wasn't prepared for this, either. I know we're not together. But now we're going to be parents. And we'll have to make it work. You can figure out how to relay all of that to your little girlfriend." "The next day, the doctor confirmed that I was having twins." I ran into Angie Martinez, a DJ on Hot 97, at a party. I told her, "Me and Big are having a baby!" Of course Angie announced it on her show the next day. "One day, this Tiffany chick called my house in the early days of my pregnancy, I was not amused. "You supposed to be having Big's baby?" she asked me. "Who the fuck is this?" "This Tiffany. I want to know what's going on. You supposed to be having twins or something?" "Are you out of your mind?" I asked. I had actually just found out that one of my eggs had failed to develop and that I was carrying one baby. I asked her, "Did Big tell you to call me?" No she said, before she could finish, I told her, don't ever call my fucking house. She said, "Well, I don't know how Big gonna be supporting no new baby. He said he was gonna pay for my father's funeral!" Why ya'll not divorced anyway? I studied law in school and I know it don't take that much to get a divorce." I told her, "You are talking to the wrong person right now, don't make that mistake again."