Thursday, September 19, 2019

Fantasia Sparks Conversation About Gender Roles


This week R&B singer Fantasia sat down with The Breakfast Club to promote her new album Sketchbook and also touched on gender roles and the reasons so many Black women are single...
 
Fanny tells DJ Envy,
"Most women are trying to be the leader that's why you can't find a man. You can't be the king in the house. Fall back and let the man lead the way....It's a generational curse in how society have placed our men. Women have to stand up and be the mother and the father and the provider and so then, now you are so bad that you can't be told nothing and when the right man come, you lose him because you trying to be the man...."


38 comments:

Anonymous said...

R in NYC says:

Fanny about to get dragged in these comments.

Anonymous said...

She has some excellent points. However, we didn't forget Fannie how that married T-mobil guy and his wife tried to swindle you. Hope you're not get sanctimonious on us.

We are suppose to submit. However, dont sit up here and tell me I dont have a man or cant keep one because I will not submit. You outta order for that small bit. You can submit, be in the best shape, look like Halle or Janet and fuck that negro every night like a porn star and he may or may not stay. Keep singing and looking pretty Fannie. Folks (men and women are going to do what they want to do--can't control grown and selfish ingrates).

Anonymous said...

8:29 why you throwing her past up?? She screwed up hopefully things can work out for her. I'd rather take advice from someone that's been thru something, versus one with no experience. The roles are very much messed up. Too frequently, women are carrying these men. We have alot of feminine men out there and I don't mean gay either. That's why the going 50/50 with a man is nothing but a sham and a game. Why go 50/50 while he's possibly stacking paper, saving, leave me and move to the next woman and take on all the responsibilities like a man? Not all, but alot of women are carrying broke, jobless and dusty ass men. We gotta let them be men. Now, if we are married and something happens where he is not in a position to work, I'm going to support. But if we're not married that's another story. Life does happen and sometimes we as women gotta pick up the pieces and keep the house in order. But, sitting up taking care of negroes and not letting them be men is a no no. If the right man comes along, without a shadow of a doubt, I don't think women will have a problem submitting with the right individual.

Anonymous said...

Yeah. I will submit when I feel confident that he's worth submitting to. I'm not submitting to a man that can't hold his own and will lead us both down the drain. I can drown on my own I don't need help.

Anonymous said...

I mean she's married ... Happily it seems... And I do agree because I don't understand why it's hard for a woman to submit to a man who is willing to be THE MAN! And take that role and take care of all the things the woman was doin before... He's there to take care of u and protect u and he can't do that if the woman is trying to do the same and at the same role in the same household I love being submissive to my husband cuz I feel I don't have a reason not to... I feel women who don't submit are scared to be so

Anonymous said...

If you can find someone worth submitting to then hallelujah. But unfortunately, she sounds stupid because most of these guys… I wouldn’t follow across the street, much less let them lead me in life. She wild for that.

Anonymous said...

The key is finding a man to submit to!

Anonymous said...

8:49

I’m a witness that’s more important than anything with relationships. But I see so many women submitting to a man that treats them like trash, constantly cheats, disrespects them, doesn’t work, won’t do any housework, and won’t even look for a job. But they except to be submitted to. Yeah ok

Anonymous said...

8:49 I’m a witness that’s more important than anything with relationships. But I see so much women submitting to a man that treats them like trash, constantly cheats, disrespects them, doesn’t work, won’t do any housework, and won’t even look for a job. But they except to be submitted to. Yeah ok

Anonymous said...

She's right though and if you feel like your man isn't good enough for you to submit to then let him go and get a better one. Most men worth a damn want to be the king of the house and you're supposed to be his queen. Im independent as they come but I'd def let my man lead. Any man who is mooching off you living in your house, driving your car, e.t.c does not respect/ love you and will surely cheat and leave for the next chick who puts the pressure on him to be a man. Honestly this all begins with how people were raised and especially coming from single mother homes, these kids grow up to be all kinds of fucked up not knowing their traditional gender roles.

Tia said...

8:57 Absolute truth and I agree 110%. If an individual wasn't brought up or witnessed certain events, how they should be treated or how things should be they don't know any better. we just have to pray and have discernment and vet these people out before we get with relationships with them. Then too, it's some wolves in sheep clothing out there and excellent actors and sometimes it's too late. But when the revelation occurs, we need to chunk the deuces and run real quick.

Anonymous said...

Everyone is right.
We all have our personal opinion, we will never agree. Natural law will decide in the end to show who will be the last families standing (flourishing). Civilization provides conveniences, without it the answer is obvious. Men are the builders of civilization, but it cant be done without a woman's support. A man leads a boy follows that is an immutable fact. But it is not my place to tell someone else what is right or wrong.

Anonymous said...

This works for a king that can lead. Me and my hubby work together and I know my place but he also knows his place and that works for us. Everyone’s relationship is different, glad its working out for her.

Anonymous said...

I wish I would take advise from somebody that tried to kill themself with Flintstones vitamins, over a dude that worked at Metro PCS. Gurl bye!

Siberian Prince said...

She must really struck a nerve with some of y'all...so many paragraphs LOL!

Anonymous said...

Females have been walking behind males, putting up with their none-sense. The female human has had enough and took the proper number of steps. Now they want to blame the female. GTFOH The male chromosome is decaying anyway. Nature is tired of them!

Anonymous said...

from the chick that was about to kill herself and make her young child be without a mother and a father cause she couldn't deal with life without her sorry ass man?
girl no and bye.

lala11_7 said...

I'd rather be with someone who will work WITH me...than be with someone who takes away my voice....

Anonymous said...

You get to know the person and learn how to compromise. Man or woman. And not everyone is worth compromising for.

Anonymous said...

It's about defined compatibilities; a husband and wife need to understand what roles they play as individuals, agree as partners and stay in their own lanes. If, for example, the wife is the alpha in the relationship and the husband is more of an introvert and mild personality than all of the sudden he wants to be dominant... that isht is not going to work.

Niyabinghi/ObeahWomanWarrior said...

This bitch!! some of these black women are funny when they find a man to take care of, first of all why do any women need to be led by a man? is she blind? is he a seeing eye dog? I like Fanny but girl shut the entire fuck up, I have plenty of relatives including both grandmothers who are and were in marriages for over 50 years, neither were happy with a controlling, mentally abusive husband who terrorized their children. The whole issue of being "led" is a patriarchal construct, in matrilineal societies women were and are still perfectly able to lead and govern themselves. Fantasia is the usual get a man and start acting brand new quoting that ridiculous patriarchal dogma, bitch better keep that same energy when that shit ends. While both parties have different roles get out of here with that being led shit, that's why there are so many unhappily married couples with low self esteem women "submitting" to these men that drag their asses through all types of mess, and have them looking old, tired and worn the fuck out. She should have kept her thirsty low self esteem ass quiet. You are no authority on what a healthy married is, merely parroting that old patriarchal indoctrination., that's been oppressing women and children for centuries.

Anonymous said...

R in NYC says:

..And Fanny weren't you the one with mysterious burns and bruises? We are not even sure your man isn't abusing you. I guess you would submit before he lights your azz up again.

Anonymous said...

She is correct to a point. However he lack of intellect allows her to utilize the wrong words to get her point across. She sounds like a butt-hurt black man trying to describe the plight of black women, by disrespecting them in the process.

What Fantasia is trying to convey is that most black people are not raised to be partners. We are not taught our proper roles. Many are raised by single entities and that fact has damaged both males and females. With so few father figures in many households, both males and females are unfamiliar with how to choose an emotionally healthy partner and how to build a healthy partnership.

Black females are raised to be the backbone of the family, the one who earns, provides and raises the children. When a partner enters her life, she may struggle with giving up the control that she had to maintain as a single entity.

Most males are raised to be dependent on a female (their mother), later in life they also depend on their partner to treat them and accept them in the same manner that their mothers did. With little to no positive male role models, black males have no clue what it is to be a partner nor how to build a partnership.

Black males know how to be a dependent, whilst black females were raised to be independent. That's where the problem lies in my opinion.

Anonymous said...

She married a FELON after knowing him for 3 weeks, and they only had sex after they married. Hard side-eye to this little girls so called wisdom. She is still making chicken-head decisions.

Anonymous said...

Idk why she felt the need to give relationship advice like she's some expert. Girl we can see you and been seeing you and your eff'd up decisions regarding relationships. You married your man in 3 weeks, who can't abstain from sex for 3 weeks?? Just shhhhhhhhhhhhh!

ms mac said...

Submit (v): 1) accept or yield to a superior force or to the authority or will of another person; 2)to give in or give up; 3) subject to a particular process, treatment, or condition.

If you're supposed to be in a cooperative partnership, why does any person (man or woman) need to "submit" to another person unless you're goal is to be totally dependent on them?

In this day and age I don't think any woman needs to submit to a man for a relationship to work. I think both people need to come to the table fully invested in the relationship, ready to grow, and understand that it requires unconditional love, some critique, a few challenges or disagreements, a little bit of compromise and a lot respect from one another. What I lack, you pick up the slack and we have each other's back. Simple as that.

Furthermore, a TRULY independent woman doesn't 'need' anything from a man other than sex and companionship (for the most part). Those are the only things she wouldn't have that a man can bring to the table, and they're really more of a Want than a Need. So in actuality, when a woman submits to her man, what she's really submitting is her body, her time and her autonomy.

Submission sounds good on paper but when you reach a certain age and become established, that it's really unnecessary and a just a way of giving your power to someone else. Fantasia is definitely the type of woman who would submit to a former felon she met and married within three weeks because she doesn't know any better.

Anonymous said...

She's telling the truth. But because of whom this is coming from, most will not absorb it. Truth is still truth though.

Anonymous said...

The key is to submit to the RIGHT man. Of course you're going to be miserable as a woman if you submit to any old bummy trifling WRONG man.

Tippie Hippie said...

I'mma leave Fanny alone I don't find her to be brightest bulb in the pack. I agree with some things however I disagree with the message coming from her. She has way to much nerve!

Back to reading comments....

Tippie Hippie said...

Take a bow Ms. Mac....great comment.

Anonymous said...

I'm submitting to no fucking man. Both of us will have our submitting moments! Women aren't dogs or children! Both the husband and wife or partners should have a 50/50 role! If the man offers to do more and he's respectful of your womanhood and your life as a human, then by all means let him if you are happy with it!

I love Fanny but she's a 33rd degree Black Pick-Me right up there with Jill Scott, Rihanna, Erykah Badookie, Sherrie "Tasmanian Devil" Shepherd, Phaedra Parks, and all of R. Kelly's black female supporters!

Unknown said...

Wow, not sure if I agree with everyone on this thread but the dialogue is off the charts and really good. I guess, i came.for the comments then??
Salute to all posters and their perspectives. I have nothing to add.

Anonymous said...

4:07 how did you get J.Scott in that line up?? If u got time, please explane

Anonymous said...

@5:21 please do your research of that fat ass pick me! She got an impressive resume of defending and doing the most for shitty niggas starting from her bum ex-husband to Bill Cosby. A lot of her music also has pick-me lyrics. Jill is your typical insecure fat girl who feels she must use her pussy to get love and chooses the dustiest men!

ms mac said...

@ Tippie, thank you!

Unknown said...

Lol good advice from the wrong mofo. Submit to that karma that’s coming Fantasia. You had a baby by a married man. You think your marriage gonna last cause you submitting? Yeah alright.

Unknown said...

“Black males know how to be a dependent, whilst black females were raised to be independent. That's where the problem lies in my opinion.

So in actuality, when a woman submits to her man, what she's really submitting is her body, her time and her autonomy.”

Great comments! The discussion proves a very important point: we need to get the illegitimacy rate under control. We are now at 80% of black children being raised in single family households and over half are living below the poverty line. The way to curb this trend is through educating black women on their bodies and enforcing the importance of planned parenthood. I just hope that it’s not too late. We are almost 3 generations removed from the 70s, which was the beginning of the end for black families. More black women joining the workforce, more black woman going on welfare, the introduction of crack, and black men being removed from good paying jobs, as well as the head of their households. And now, almost 3 generations later we’re witnessing the detrimental effects of that period. Our women have become the only parent for all black children which is causing a serious dysfunction in our ability to maintain healthy relationships, or raised functional, productive, competitive children. We are truly fucked. Smh

Anonymous said...

What grown ass man or woman is concerned about anyone submitting in a relationship?... Only lost little boys and girls care about that power struggle.
Grown adults have discussions and play on each other's strengths. If you are better at one thing than me, then you take the lead. You do what makes sense for your relationship.
Life is going to test you regardless, so you better both be up for the challenge and strong enough to receive. Trials do not have a male or female face, it comes for all.

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